Will I ever heal?

Hey, I'm glad you've come to join me again. This is part of my series for withdrawal recovery, and today’s topic is fear. Specifically, the fear of not healing. I'm doing a series on symptoms in withdrawal, and I consider this fear to be one of them.

My Story: A Brutal Withdrawal

I had a very brutal withdrawal. I was on multiple SSRIs and one SNRI over the course of 10 years, and I came off of them very abruptly. One I tapered over six weeks, which I now know was way too fast. The other I stopped cold turkey, simply because of bad information. I survived both, but it was horrific.

I had a lot of symptoms. I needed a lot of support and a lot of time. But I’m doing really well now. And I’m glad to offer my story and anything I’ve learned to help you through this. I was helped so much by others... through online coaching, videos, and survivor stories. I want to pay that forward.

The Fear of Never Healing

If you’re in withdrawal, it might feel like this is the end of your life and that there’s no good ahead. But that’s not true. This isn’t going to last forever.

One of the groups I was part of was Angie Peacock’s healing recovery group. We met weekly on Zoom. It was so encouraging and helpful. One of the things I learned from her that stuck with me was this: the fear that you’ll never heal is itself a symptom.

She said everyone going through a hard withdrawal has that fear. If you’re experiencing acute symptoms that feel debilitating—if it feels like your personality, motivation, focus, and joy are gone—you’re probably also wondering: will I ever heal?

And the fear may feel personal. Your brain might latch onto reasons why you won’t heal. Maybe it’s because you were on meds for so long. Maybe it’s because you were on multiple meds. Maybe you tapered badly. Maybe you tapered badly multiple times. Whatever it is, your mind will try to convince you that your case is uniquely doomed.

But that’s what your brain does when it’s in distress. It’s trying to protect you, but it ends up pulling you into despair.

Reminding Yourself of the Truth

When that fear comes, remind yourself: this is a symptom. My brain is telling me I won’t heal because it’s suffering right now. But that doesn’t mean it’s true.

Then rehearse the evidence for healing. Start with that first truth: fear of not healing is a symptom. Then add others. Maybe you know of someone who had a similar experience and recovered. Maybe you’ve read survivor stories. Maybe you’ve learned that withdrawal, while all-consuming, is time-limited.

Even if you don’t believe it right now, that’s okay. Keep repeating those truths. Keep exposing yourself to stories of healing. Let the hope sink in, little by little.

You can also ask for reassurance from people around you. Let them know that what you need most is to be reminded that you’re going to heal. It doesn’t invalidate how hard this is. It just helps you hold on.

This Is Temporary

No matter how excruciating it feels or how much capacity you’ve lost, this is temporary. Withdrawal is a temporary condition. Your whole nervous system is in a kind of reboot. It’s like a brain injury. Your nerve endings are regrowing. Your neurotransmitters are relearning how to function. It takes time, but it doesn’t mean healing isn’t happening.

Like an Infant Nervous System

I often compare it to the nervous system of a baby. I’ve had babies, and they are lovely and demanding. They need to be held, comforted, reassured. They need connection, heartbeat, breath, co-regulation.

Your nervous system might feel like that right now. And that’s not ridiculous. You haven’t lost your mind. You haven’t lost your self. You haven’t permanently derailed. You’re not in total oblivion. You’re in recovery.

Recovery Takes Time

Maybe you were once independent, confident, capable. And now you feel like you can’t function. But that’s not the end. It’s like having the flu or an injury. You can recover from this. It just takes longer than you want it to.

Give yourself time. Comfort yourself like you would a child. And eventually, you’ll be off and running again. It might take months. It might take a year. But you’ll get back to being your adult self with a healed nervous system.

This recovery might feel unnerving. It might feel permanent because it’s lasted so long. But it isn’t. You are healing, even if you can’t feel it yet.

So hang in there. Know that it isn’t over. Good things are coming. And even your fears are part of your recovery.