How We Stayed Married Through Withdrawal

I'm glad you’re here today. Someone recently asked me, “How do I handle my spouse during withdrawal?” It’s such a hard thing to figure out while you’re going through such suffering.

Believing Lies During Withdrawal

In withdrawal, I believed all kinds of lies. It was so hard to fight the feeling that I wasn’t worth it, that our relationship wouldn’t make it, or that I wasn’t worth holding onto. All kinds of negative thoughts can creep in, and they’re easy to fall prey to during withdrawal.

I’m going to share some of my experience and the things that helped us come through, because we’re doing great now. I have an awesome relationship with my husband. I’m 20+ months out from my last pill, and I had a brutal withdrawal. It was such extreme suffering for me, and yet we came through it. So I’m here to share that hope with you.

Naming the Reality of Withdrawal

Going through withdrawal is hard on relationships. I believed I wasn’t worth being married to, that I’d never get better, that I had ruined my husband’s life. None of those were true.

We’re doing great now. I’m nearly two years off psych meds. My withdrawal was brutal. I looked horrible, felt horrible, and my early videos share more of that story. But now I’m here to offer encouragement and hope.

Be Honest About What You’re Going Through

One of the most important things is honesty. That kind of honesty where you can share the truth of what you’re going through, and what withdrawal really is.

For us, that meant learning together: reading stories, watching “Medicating Normal,” learning from resources by Mark Horowitz or survivingantidepressants.org. It gave us a reference point for what was going on.

That helped us have honest conversations. Because withdrawal changes everything: your behavior, your likes and dislikes, your ability to function. Being honest about the situation gave us a solid footing.

Adjusting Expectations in the Relationship

You also need to be honest with yourself about what you actually need. That’s hard. We want to be independent adults, but withdrawal can take away your ability to function. Maybe you can’t work or cook or manage household things like you used to.

So be honest about that with yourself. And then with your partner. Talk about what’s changed and make new arrangements. Maybe they start cooking. Maybe your budget changes. Maybe you do less. It’s all temporary. But honesty lets you both adjust your expectations and strategy.

Don’t Carry Everything Alone

If your partner can’t do everything either, you both need to be honest about what’s realistic. Then you make a new plan together. It might mean eating out more, or getting extra help. But you adjust. You shift.

For us, one of the biggest things I needed was encouragement. But that can be draining when your partner is also working and caring for kids. So we made a strategy. I had people I could call. God really provided people who were there for me.

Let Others Help You

Depending on others isn’t a weakness. It’s how humans are designed. In America, we idolize independence, but we need community. So rely on those who are safe and willing.

Whether it’s support groups, friends, family, or just someone willing to come clean your house once a week—receive the help. It will help you heal, and your body can focus on recovery.

Let Your Partner Have Joy Too

Withdrawal can feel so dark, and it might be hard for your partner to keep their optimism up if you’re in despair all the time. So I tried to give my husband opportunities to enjoy life—to do things that brought him energy and perspective.

One time, he went on a weeklong fishing trip to Alaska with his dad and brothers. I stayed home and lined up daily support—friends I could call and check in with. It was hard, but he came back so refreshed. That perspective helped him keep supporting me.

Nurture the Good That Still Exists

If there is anything in your relationship that still feels good, lean into it. Maybe it’s a favorite show. Maybe it’s tea together at night. Maybe it’s just a short walk.

Those little moments of connection are important. They remind you of the good times you’ve had and the good times that are coming. We had mantras: “More good times are coming.”

You Will Heal. So Will Your Relationship.

All of this built resilience into our marriage. And healing did come. The ability to do life together again came back. We just went hiking on the Appalachian Trail with our kids and had the best time.

So if you’re going through this, don’t believe the worst lies about your relationship or yourself. Keep fighting those lies. Lean into the good. Be honest. Make a strategy. Ask for help.

More good times are coming.