Anhedonia in Withdrawal

Today I wanted to share some reflections about anhedonia: how awful it can be, and why I can now say that healing really does happen.

I’m just so thankful to be thinking clearly, doing well, and enjoying life again. You will too.

What is Anhedonia?

I was remembering some of the symptoms that are now gone... just completely gone.

I wrote this description down of what I remember from anhedonia, and I want to read it to you because it captures how terrible it was for me:

“I am not really even here. I am a ghost or like a walking dead person. I am partly in hell and partly on earth. I’m behind a glass.
I feel so slow, like I’m in slow motion, but everyone else is on normal speed.
Everyone else is living life, but I’m watching it, like my life is over, but not in a tormenting way—more like being trapped in my brain, but not even in my body.
Will I ever emerge? Is there hope for me?
I feel like my life is over. I’m reminiscing what went by—wistful, regretful, but unable to enter into the life I have right now.
It’s like I’m doing life but as a shadow, hollow, absent when I am present.
What is this torture? Will I ever laugh and mean it again?
Just keep going. When will it let up?”

It was awful. So awful. I hated that symptom.

Encouragement and Hope

If you’re experiencing that, I am so sorry. I want to encourage you: it’s going to let up eventually.

Your brain is going to heal. Your brain is an organ. It’s a muscle. And it heals.

Be gentle with yourself and remind yourself that this is not forever.

Living a Normal Life Again

Right now, I’m enjoying life.

I go out, I run errands, I take trips, I go on dates with my husband.
I see friends and have normal conversations.
I go to church and feel fine.
I’m doing normal life things: working, grocery shopping, and just being present again.

And you will too. You will be able to do life, feel normal, and even laugh again... and mean it.

Hang in there. Stay alive. Stay in the game. It’s not always going to feel this way. You are going to be okay too.