My name is Joanna, and I'm 35 years old. I was on psychiatric medications for 10 years and have now been off all medications for 11 months.

Struggles with Postpartum Depression

I was married young and fell in love when I was 20 years old. Two years later, I had our first baby, and within two years, had our second baby. My husband was busy with grad school, work, and volunteering. I could not sleep when the baby slept, and the baby was up a lot at night.

I developed severe postpartum depression. My husband suggested I talk to a counselor about it, which I thought was a good idea. I shared with her that I was experiencing strange intrusive thoughts. She was trained in crisis counseling and suggested I needed exercise, sunlight, and medication.

My Initial Experiences with Zoloft

I trusted that counselor and did everything I could. I started swimming more intensively and tried to get outside. I found someone to prescribe meds and was prescribed 100 milligrams of Zoloft. Within three weeks, I was in worse shape than ever before and could not survive.

Hospitalization: A Turning Point

The suicidality was so intense that I was hospitalized, which was very traumatic. When I was hospitalized, I was put on 200 milligrams. We were all thankful that I survived, returned to my life, and continued raising my children.

It was a horrible traumatic experience, but I moved on and wanted to get off the meds. I discussed this with my doctor and, under her guidance, weaned off. Within a few days, I was able to get back on my feet.

"On Meds For Life" - Switching to Lexapro

Shortly after, I developed depression and symptoms. I decided to talk to the doctor about it, and she told me I probably had a chemical imbalance and needed medication for life. I did not like hearing that but didn't want to be in a dangerous place as a mother, so I took the medication. We switched to Lexapro due to side effects from Zoloft.

Over the next eight years, there were different med changes, and I struggled to maintain steady mental health. I never thought the medication was the problem; I believed I was doing everything I could, including counseling, exercise, and emotional processing.

Lifestyle Changes and Going Medication-Free

During my last depression, I realized it was based on the medication change and was withdrawal because I was doing all I could—exercise, yoga, counseling—yet I was still struggling. I believed it was due to the stressful city life.

After increasing my dose and combining it with counseling, the depression lifted. My ultimate desire, however, was to be meds-free. We decided to move to the countryside, thinking the slower pace of life would provide that opportunity. I learned about the serotonin myth and that depression after being on meds can be a withdrawal symptom that can actually heal.

With this change of lifestyle and my husband's support, I felt ready to go off the medications. I had done considerable graduate work in counseling, so I believed I could manage symptoms without medication. I decided to wean off on my own over six weeks without fully understanding withdrawal.

Withdrawal: A Battle I Never Expected

I developed some depression, but with my skills, I muscled my way through. Five months later, I developed intense symptoms I could have never imagined. I wouldn't wish this suffering on anyone. I was crying constantly; my mood was horrible, and I had low energy. I experienced bodily sensations as if I had the flu, felt lightheaded, had chills, sweats at night, and diarrhea. I found it hard to concentrate, remember things, and experienced panic and terror with intense anxiety.

Reinstating and Kindling

I returned to the doctor, who put me back on 20 milligrams of fluoxetine. I took it because I did not want to put my family in danger. In those three days, my symptoms escalated, and it felt like my brain was on fire. Then I learned from a friend that I was going through withdrawal.

It was shocking to learn that this was because I had been on a drug. My husband, who worked at an addiction recovery center, said it looked like I was coming off heroin.

Coping Strategies During Withdrawal

After realizing what was happening, I stopped taking the medication and started learning everything I could about surviving withdrawal. The support I received from those who had shared their stories was invaluable.

Every day, I did my best to manage my symptoms without making them too visible to my kids. I let them know I was healing and it was not their fault. I had been through the most intense symptoms imaginable.

Current Status: 11 Months Off Medications

That brings me to where I am today—11 months off all psych meds. My symptoms come and go, but I have wider windows where I feel more like myself and can even have positive emotions.

I still have waves of anxiety and uncertainty about functioning in the coming year. It’s hard to commit to things, as I often feel like I might break down or be unable to hold a conversation. Thankfully, my insomnia has improved, and I can sleep normally most of the time. The suicidality has also left, for which I am grateful.

The anxiety has been extreme, and I'm learning to ride it out without overanalyzing my feelings. I still have difficulty making decisions, but my memory and overall experience are improving. I've learned to lean on people who know me and can offer encouragement.

The Risks of Long-term SSRI Use

I wanted to share my story to raise awareness because I believe these medications can cause harm. There needs to be more transparency around the risks of long-term use and support for those wanting to get off medications safely.

I believe people should not go from drug to drug, as this can increase withdrawal symptoms and cause lasting damage. I appreciate the advocacy and honesty shared in the community. Films like "Medicating Normal" have been validating and helpful, and I believe people need options for freedom from medication rather than simply switching or remaining on more medication.

I initially trusted my doctor and thought psychiatric medications were safe like antibiotics for an infection. However, that trust in the medical system has been shattered. I’m learning to take charge of my mental health, which many of us in the withdrawal community are also experiencing.

Healing, Hope, and Community

Keep going, keep healing. We will get better. Let’s support one another and remember those who have shared their stories of hope. Thank you. I hope to do the same.

❤️‍🩹 Joanna

💬 Let's keep the comment section an encouraging and kind place. 🙏